Saturday, August 6, 2022

How I became an Anti-Social element (ASE)?

 


 You needn’t doubt Ms Poppy’s sincerity, Ms Eliza.” I have been repeatedly telling my colleague every time she passes Chinese whispers in my ears or imitates Ms Poppy’s mannerisms, which helped only to add fuel to the fire (in Ms Poppy’s heart). I always angered on Eliza’s tendency to give a chance for others to misjudge her. She should at least be a silent spectator to the innovative techniques used by Ms Poppy to test to identify [1]ASEs and non-ASEs in her work place. I believe it to be an error- free technique, tested and re- tested in the laboratories of [2]Mr. Palmer. (I recommend this method; others can try it in their work place too)

Before you start guessing what is what, let me tell you few details of the whole story. Ms Poppy who is my lead lady has some distinct qualifications which others don’t have and it would be nice if you don’t have any additional qualities like her. She is the sole proprietor of certain theories and policies and what others can do is to accept what she thinks as right. If she wants to project someone as her ally she will explain and give a detail description of what is happening between them, I mean their ‘chemistry’ in front of her opponents (ASEs) with enthusiasm. If you are a part of her ally and feel uncomfortable, with this behavior, don’t request her to withdraw. That is what I did and I got the result immediately. But when she feels that others need not be aware of anything related to her, she will abscond or you may look a total stranger to her. That’s how things have been happening since the day one I met her.  She has her own distinct way of doing things and that too with absolute ‘sincerity’.

The ASEs (I abbreviated ‘anti social element’ as ASE for your comfortable reading) follow “use and throw” policy she blames. Don’t ask me to explain this phrase as I am also confused of it. Its foul smell still lingers on me from the day Ms Poppy vomited it, the day I became invisible to her for the first time. This happened immediately after I signaled her during a casual chat not to discuss a private matter publicly.  Since then I have been using all possible anti bacterial face washes/ body washes, but nothing was found effective. She will experiment on her colleagues’ sincerity since the day they join for their job. Some results will turn positive in the beginning and will later turn the other way round due to the influence of some ‘outside agencies’, and that’s her biggest fear! She conducts a [3]litmus test nor a [4]permanganate test but a “whether the tail swings when the head is not” test to identify an ASE and a Non ASE. Whatever is the finding we should go with it for our pleasant future. If the result indicates you as an ASE, you will become ‘invisible’ the very next moment. She/we would not be disappearing anywhere or she won’t be wearing any mask to conceal her ‘white sweet’ face, but our face won’t be visible to her anymore even though we wear the most charming smile.

It was a great shock to me when I was “lost and found” on the shores of ASE land soon after I failed miserably in the ‘…tail swings’ test I  became an “invisible (wo)man” to her. “I will give my life if I like a person” I heard this dialogue of her once. Even though Ms Poppy has only one heart, she won’t bother to lose and will divide and donate it to you if you pass the test successfully. I made her to lose her faith in me not once but many times and that’s how I became an ASE. I should feel for my mistake at least now as the beneficiaries to her generosity are progressing with her guidance!!  You should never doubt her sincerity as she is dedicated to all her allies throughout her life. You must take a permanent membership in the Non ASE League by giving time and patience to discuss certain lively subjects with her daily which may seem to you as useless at the outset. Most of the time you need to just nod your head and say “wow, wonderful ma’m you are great” and “you are like our elder/younger sister” seeing her enthusiasm to advice you. Yes, few were tested positive in the experiment and taken citizenship and got permission to her visible world and still there are few ‘invisible’ waiting for an entry ticket.

You don’t pretend to be intelligent as it really hurts Ms Poppy, and she is just an unwritten white paper; I mean straight forward and error free. What will you lose if you keep away your knowledge for a few minutes and make her face glow? You won’t be losing a single penny for those words of wisdom but gain a lump sum treasure with which you can build an [5]empire state building whose sole owner is only you. You can be a successful wife, financier and an excellent cook overnight. Never try to be a professional to this colleague who loves you like a sibling and who guides you to be a perfect woman who manages to teach to keep your  family and keep ‘everything’ to yourself and leaves a comfortable distance between you-your family- [6]MIL, FIL, SIL,BIL etc, for the future progress.

Never go deep or try to read between the lines when she tells you  [7]I don’t know how to say it  just like that it happened”. This will be the template answer of hers when you ask about what topics she handles when she whole heartedly engages your class in your absence. She often narrates incidents (as sign posts for a fault free career) where people faced trouble during the previous years and it is a good time pass to listen to. It is narrated as if it had happened to ‘one of the previous colleagues’ who worked with her in the college. There won’t be any clue to who was really the victim. Your responsibility is just to be a silent listener and not inquisitive as if you are in a fun filled moral science class. Why every embarrassing thing happens only to her colleagues alone and who remain [8]‘anonymous’ always? Be it the staff who was warned when the noisy activities of her students were noticed by the chairman in the communication lab or a staff who gave explanation after being complained of interacting humorously with her students inside the class.  Nice good old pathetic stories. All happened to ‘some’ previous staff. Poor [9]anamikas’! Luckily all the spectators of this tragic-comic scene are joined late to the college and are just gasping with admiration.

It will be unfair if I won’t mention of the crash course she conducts. Thanks to Ms Poppy’s counseling sessions. Because of two months vigorous study class now Ms Girli has grown to be a matured wife and in another few months Ms Alphi will turn to be a stunning homemaker. The study class starts one day after the disclosure of the news of engagement or just after the alliance is fixed. More than the parents of the brides to be, Ms Poppy is overjoyed with the news as if one of her affectionate siblings is getting a good life. Ms Girlie was lucky to be with Ms Poppy who enlightened her and others should be ashamed of mocking at that talent. “You must get married by offering some extra bulk of dowry as you have everything else” except some extra ‘ages’. She advised one ASE taking her as her own, but the foul minded  lost and found ASE never listened to her and finally is invisible.

 When you see her lying on the table after her lunch, don’t think she is taking an afternoon nap. It is just a part of passive experimentation and you should not even pass comments through your eyes. She can even close her eyes and see your movements or just smell you and judge your character. So be vigilant. Even if she comments of your creative writing as pro-[10]PRO seeing one [11]Harlet’ in it, don’t underestimate her intuition. You should have the courage to disclose the real names of the characters rather than leaving her doubtful till she finishes her reading. Though you wrote about your own life or of somebody’s, make their identities clear to her even if it is personal. So simple. You better talk to her face to face about the incidents plainly before giving to read. Why do you want to show your talent by [12]circulating’ your written matter to the ASEs and non ASEs invariably? That is her grudge on you. She is totally irritated of this. You need to give her (alone) the chance to understand things before you make people to read/understand and criticize. If you want Ms Poppy to be a part of your circle, give her distinct time and space. The moment you make her be a part of the whole group you would become an invisible (wo)man for her and she won’t be blamed for your discomfort.

Few call her unaesthetic due to her disinterestedness in arts and literature. She may enquire about the menu provided and crazy being into festivals and get-togethers with her fellow people. Ms Poppy can never be called as a “[13]dog in the manger” if she blames you for forgetting to invite her if you party for a promotion or a birthday or a marriage. It is your fault if you mistook her as non-cooperative and you are to be blamed for not taking her as your friend and not issuing a welcome note that too when there is a dinner or lunch or tea party.  

Spend few hours in front of the television rather than being with books or being too religious and come with flying colors of life experience and come for an affectionate chit chat and be an eligible sister to Ms Poppy. Getting daily tips of a healthy living from her will do wonders (as we have Girlie as example), instead of burning your midnight oil on [14]Robin Sharma’s books or from some useless fiction (but Girlie managed to have both and now extra brilliant).

 When Ms Poppy decided to ignore one of her colleagues and was not sharing details of the work assigned to both while working as a team, she cannot be criticized for that too. Her intention was not to ignore her colleague or to boss over her but to give too much of herself (alone) to her duty and leave no room to blame. When she realized the untrustworthy nature of her team mate who lamented for the misappropriation happened, the dedicated Ms Poppy got hurt as she never wanted anyone know of the drawback of the system itself. See the dedication man! If you are given unnecessary work as a big burden just to put you down, don’t react and silently do it as it is a chance to express your sincerity. That is her policy.  The donkey is given bundles of clothes or people to carry on, despite the fact that it is not as strong as a camel or a horse or an elephant and it silently does it as it thinks it as its sole responsibility. That’s not just ‘animal’ nature but a ‘dutiful’ nature. If her team mate reports or react to the injustice happened to her/them, she is giving others the feel that Ms Poppy is ‘inefficient’ (she herself invented and declared this theory of efficiency during this period). We can’t blame her ignorance towards the idea of ‘smart work’ as Ms Poppy is strong enough to carry out any challenges and all criticisms spread about her are by ASEs, only to demean her. She won’t wait to learn to be a diplomat for easy carrying out of duties and she wants to take this as an indication of her dedication and smartness.

It was during a friendly/familial conversation with few of her fellow sisters that she was giving a heartfelt advise not to give vent to the influence from all kinds of anti social elements as they may change their true feeling for her. And I was not involved in their talk but watching it from near. She must have meant those who followed “use and throw” policy like me and I realized that despite my oblivious nature and excusing her for making me invisible and visible very often even after a year or so after  I first failed in the test..I still remain an ASE for her!!  Now not for Eliza or for anyone else who are invisible to Ms Poppy, It’s only for me that I should feel pity for taking her seriously and believing her ignorance as her innocence till then.

Vinci Subramanian (2012)

 

[1] ASE-Anti Social Element 

[2] Richard Palmer-Author of many grammar books

[3]  Acid base test by inserting litmus paper to the solution and noting its color

[4]  Another test used for chemical experiments

[5]  The Empire State Building is a 102-story skyscraper located in Midtown Manhattan, New York City, the tallest building in New York 

[6] Mother in law, father in law, sister in law and brother in law

[7] Don’t confuse with “I don’t know what to do” song from the Hindi movie Housefull

[8]  The name of the person remains secret

[9] Having ‘no name’

[10] prostitute

[11] Harlot" "rendered "whore" in the King James Version of the Bible

[12] The process of giving the written article to all the colleagues for their comments

[13] The story and metaphor of The Dog in the Manger derives from an old Greek fable which has been transmitted in several different versions. Interpreted variously over the centuries, the metaphor is now used to speak of those who spitefully prevent others from having something that they themselves have no use for.

[14]  Author of life/self management books like “the monk who sold his ferrarri”

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