My dearest Virgi…
Have you ever tried to delve
deep to find reasons behind seeing a perfect day of yours turning completely damned?
Here is one example which can be of quick reference for those who want some
tips to spoil a calm and composed day of others or of theirs.
The day was cheerful
with a mindful of plans for the future as it was my first visit to my hometown before
shifting to a rented apartment. I was informed suddenly that Uno found a
‘guy’ for his 'affectionate sister'!! Mamma was overjoyed and there was an
air of excitement around her after she got his phone call from the national capital.
I was awestruck! Words
blocked halfway through as there was lot of traffic jam around. Then a sudden
outburst of protest. Next came the breaking news… The ‘boy’s’ family was going to
drop in as it was the procedure to examine the prospective ‘girl’ as the first
step in the selection process.
The breaking news which was released by the
Delhi bureau created lot of furor here in the extreme south and the police used
tear gas to disperse the protesters?!!
Episode 2
Finally they came in
with an array of questions to be answered and to see through.
The ladies took measurement and started to calculate. I fixed a cheerful smile to cover my uneasiness. My regularities and irregularities were explained and finally lost the thought to look around to see the real ‘guy’. The only job which I had to do.
The two active 'girls' gave self introduction- one the guy's ‘mother’ and the other his younger brother’s wife- and helped me to find the ‘guy’ finally. I was formally introduced to the guy. It would be better to say that I was walking on the ramp with audience around with a new style to exhibit.
He seemed shy even to give me a direct look. I could see only a bit of his head. No... no... it was not with both hands but was trying to cover with one and the face was half seen. It reminded me of the heroines of 19th century [2]Victorian novels. I showed my teeth in response. He was searching for words and could not find any and was 'stomach full' and on the verge to get indigestion soon due to ‘over eating’.
The ladies took measurement and started to calculate. I fixed a cheerful smile to cover my uneasiness. My regularities and irregularities were explained and finally lost the thought to look around to see the real ‘guy’. The only job which I had to do.
The two active 'girls' gave self introduction- one the guy's ‘mother’ and the other his younger brother’s wife- and helped me to find the ‘guy’ finally. I was formally introduced to the guy. It would be better to say that I was walking on the ramp with audience around with a new style to exhibit.
He seemed shy even to give me a direct look. I could see only a bit of his head. No... no... it was not with both hands but was trying to cover with one and the face was half seen. It reminded me of the heroines of 19th century [2]Victorian novels. I showed my teeth in response. He was searching for words and could not find any and was 'stomach full' and on the verge to get indigestion soon due to ‘over eating’.
I demanded time to go through
his profile seriously before getting back to them. My solo performance was
applauded I guess. While retreating to their vehicle ‘which the guy drove and
came’ (the boy’s mother was very specific to mention this), I saw a much
excited smiling face turning back and playing hide and seek. Oh! So I was supposed to involve in this game too,
I felt sorry actually as I was not capable of these performances.
Episode 3
Don’t think everything
was over and I regained my spirits soon. I was down with [3]MOF,
amnesia or dyslexia or [4]delirium? I was not sure. I was seriously
intrigued and subjected to get an immediate reaction, where the result was expected to be strictly
positive.
Mamma claimed the coyness and lack of perspective of the guy could be used to the girl’s favor.
When the result was announced negative even after so many tests and retests, the whole calmness turned topsy turvy.
Mamma claimed the coyness and lack of perspective of the guy could be used to the girl’s favor.
When the result was announced negative even after so many tests and retests, the whole calmness turned topsy turvy.
I was bitten severely
by severe strokes from inside and outside. A feed back was required to send to
the Delhi headquarters immediately. As Mamma was informed that this would turn
to be a perfect match for her daughter, she was using and misusing her power over me to accept. A memo was faxed to me from the head quarters warning not to spoil a ‘very serious’ sibling blood relation by my lack of insight and
my childishness.
Retrospection
Retrospection
Virgi... What is special in 'just being a man’? I wondered.
Being just a man facilitates him to have another world war or to steal
someone’s property claiming that he is a man and a dictator or a thief? I have
never read or heard any woman directly involved or became reason for any world war or a
robbery or any heinous crime.
Who gave men the
authority to decide a woman’s life? Like what you did when you surrendered to a
man just to save your family's financial burden. And that ‘guardian angel’ could never be able to turn to be your
soul mate but only the father of your child! What could be that which make you
a contented person, I know. But still i ask, leaving all your self-centric eccentricities,
why couldn't you just satisfy your 'man' who wants only a woman for his life?
Once a friend of mine proudly said that he fed and
sheltered a woman i.e., his wife so that she could give him comforts and begets
his children and also do all household works. All the reverence for him had melted
away from that moment and was replaced with ‘contempt of court’. This poor
friend is now busy after fathering two kids, feeding the entire family. I did not feel
sorry to ‘quit’ the relationship with him. He can only be a 'man' not a companion
or friend was made clear. I might be arrogant or immature in my decision(as per the general perception) to
give up that relation.
Ok. Leave all those stories and come to the real matter. So again I was put to severe pressure to find only good qualities in men. I was advised to accept this particular guy who is our topic of gossip who gave me ‘eloquent glances’ while crossing the doorstep and went with expectation to settle down leaving his fifteen years of job abroad, with the girl he marries. I was suggested this one, as the best I could expect as he was looking ‘fair’, younger to his age and with no conditions even about his own life itself and moreover I crossed the age boundary for that sacred work.
Ok. Leave all those stories and come to the real matter. So again I was put to severe pressure to find only good qualities in men. I was advised to accept this particular guy who is our topic of gossip who gave me ‘eloquent glances’ while crossing the doorstep and went with expectation to settle down leaving his fifteen years of job abroad, with the girl he marries. I was suggested this one, as the best I could expect as he was looking ‘fair’, younger to his age and with no conditions even about his own life itself and moreover I crossed the age boundary for that sacred work.
Weeks passed and month too with some
continuous ‘oxidative-coupling reactions’ which increased the pressure inside
and resulted in a severe blast in the ‘furnace’. Half of my energy was wasted
and I started developing a perpetual emptiness.
Climax
The whole scenario came to a standstill with a
massive withdrawal of output from Uno and his family. The press release from the Delhi headquarters claimed failure of the
process was due to my lack of foresight and silly attitude . This current state of my life being ‘unmarried’ was
explained clearly by Mrs. Uno as 'useless and a sign of arrogance' and
also against the 'social rule of law'.
Mamma was deeply disheartened by my lack of humane interest for her and for the whole lot of well wishers outside. I could not be successful without having a man. My life would be doomed!
Heard a hell lot of explanations.
Mamma was deeply disheartened by my lack of humane interest for her and for the whole lot of well wishers outside. I could not be successful without having a man. My life would be doomed!
Heard a hell lot of explanations.
No Interval
When every profile reaches regional center I would be standing on one leg claiming
their lives! Likewise this carnival continued for few more months bringing turmoil which
extended till another was received. I was expected to see all and then? I don't know. It
was not made clear, when it was handed over. Am I supposed to tell to make inquiry as I liked this one, and later would i be to waiting for that ‘guy’ until
he responds (if)positively?
Ok or I should make calls and confirm that he had the power of articulation and what else I should do? I might get few mails calling me ‘dear’, ‘my dear’ and describing with a lot of adjectives ‘beautiful’, ‘smart’ etc etc. and explaining their talents and interest. Recently one expressed his closeness calling me as his ‘dear’, ‘beloved’ and was seriously waiting to take me to England if I say a mere “yes”. Seeing his over excitement I lost all interest even to think about England. These things only distract my mindset and extracting my peace.
Ok or I should make calls and confirm that he had the power of articulation and what else I should do? I might get few mails calling me ‘dear’, ‘my dear’ and describing with a lot of adjectives ‘beautiful’, ‘smart’ etc etc. and explaining their talents and interest. Recently one expressed his closeness calling me as his ‘dear’, ‘beloved’ and was seriously waiting to take me to England if I say a mere “yes”. Seeing his over excitement I lost all interest even to think about England. These things only distract my mindset and extracting my peace.
Years have gone by and
will be going and still I need to be ready to be chosen and be always remain
like the ‘display’ material in the shops with variety costumes so that anyone
can come and verify and ‘purchase’ or reject?
SO finally I said a blind
‘no’ to seeing anymore ‘eligible men’ with their description about their
eagerness to verify me.
The End
My future was in
cloud nine because I had stopped living for the future. Great work to be
thanked for.
Is it worth living for
a future which is yet to be revealed to us? How to find the solemnity that lies
hidden? The meaning of ‘life’ is found nowhere in the dictionary. No literature
could be able to define it unless someone quote it down after sailing through
it. Even I am not aware if I have the power for further protest
and actions and reactions to carry forward.
Like you I may explore
and see the meaning of what ‘life’ actually is by attending Bhajans, reading
Bhagavat Gita and other texts or becoming an active participant of the Hare
Rama Hare Krishna, in the next part of my life. Till then I need to rejuvenate
myself by dipping in the sacred ‘fool’s paradise’ to realize the necessity for
being a part of it. Waiting for your reaction.
My regards and love
Yours Explo.
Appendix
[5]Coward
thy name is man! This is not to insult thy ego but to make your conscience feel
uneasy if you have one. What are you afraid of? The woman with a mind, the one
who repeatedly asked you questions? You don’t have the courage to withstand her
presence and said she might feel bad if you remained silent? You never had the
courage to accept the troubles around if you accept her and so said she was
misleading you with her emotions? You wanted her to fill the gaps in your
existence and said you never meant to hurt her through the closeness you showed, when she started feeling emotionally
attached. Finally you saved your face by claiming her as your elder sister (because you are few years younger)?
You were made to
believe that you need to be the head of the family and everyone should accept
you only because you are a man? The mother, wife and all grandparents and your
children accepted your superiority and all others were [6]‘mad woman in the attic’
only because they had their voices and also raised it for some or the other
reasons?
Know the soul of a woman and then judge her. Before that
don’t lose her, blaming that she has a ‘voice’ which is heard and not
suppressed.
So I lost all
prospective guys and eligible men and now much relaxed.
If anyone of my friends
can suggest various
ways of losing a ‘man’, we can publish an un abridged version for the
betterment of all the helpless souls who are crying for identity
(either through a man or without a man) instead of wasting their time watching a movie ‘[7]how
to lose a guy in ten days”?.
[1]
An American writer and lecturer (1888-1955) and developer of famous courses for
self improvement, public speaking and interpersonal skills. Authored many books
including “How to make friends and influence people?”, “How to stop worrying
and start thinking?”
[2]
Pious, dutiful, obedient with no freedom of thought and movement
[3] multiple organ failure
[4]
Latin word for madness
[5]
As opposed to Shakespeare’s “frailty thy name is woman” from his famous Hamlet
[6] A character of the novel Jane Eyre whose is known with that name because of her unnatural behaviour
[6] A character of the novel Jane Eyre whose is known with that name because of her unnatural behaviour
[7]
A romantic comedy movie by Donald Petrie
hai very good
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